The relationships that compound are the ones where you show up consistently, not the ones where you show up intensely. This is obvious stated that way, and harder to implement than it sounds, because intensity is easier to muster than cadence.
In my career, the most durable relationships have been built on small, regular contact over years. A quarterly check-in. A note when I saw something relevant to them. An introduction, unprompted, when I thought two people should know each other. None of it individually consequential. Cumulatively, the foundation of most of the opportunities I’ve had for the last two decades.
The relationships that haven’t lasted — and I’ve had many — were the ones where I brought intensity in short bursts. Deep engagement during a specific project. Genuine interest for the duration of one deal. Then silence, when the immediate context was gone.
Intensity without cadence doesn’t compound. Cadence without intensity is fine. Cadence with occasional intensity is the target.
The Cadence I Try to Maintain
Top 20 relationships: quarterly touch.
Not every one every quarter — but over a year, every one gets contacted at least three times. Usually a note, sometimes a call, occasionally a coffee. The specific cadence matters less than the fact that it’s regular and reliable.
Top 50 relationships: twice-a-year touch.
A wider circle where the context is lighter but the connection is kept warm. Usually this is a relevant article, an introduction, or a congratulatory note when I see them announce something.
Top 150 relationships: annually or when specifically relevant.
The broader network. Not in active contact, but close enough that a purposeful note — responding to their work, congratulating a milestone, offering help on something I know they care about — keeps the relationship alive.
The Mechanics
1. Write it down.
The relationships I can keep in my head are not the relationships I reliably maintain. The ones I track in a simple spreadsheet — last contact date, topic, direction of the relationship — are the ones that stay warm. Memory is not a system. A list is a system.
2. Batch the work.
I have a regular Sunday evening block for relationship hygiene. Not long — maybe 30 to 60 minutes. Sometimes I send three notes. Sometimes I send ten. The block exists regardless of how busy the week has been. The block is the commitment.
3. Deliver value in every touch.
The touch that doesn’t deliver something useful is a burden on the relationship, not a deposit. Every note has to have a reason for the recipient to value receiving it. Article. Introduction. Perspective. Congratulation. Question they can help with. Without the value, the touch is just an ask for attention, and those accumulate as a negative.
4. Let some relationships rest.
Not every relationship needs to stay active. Some have completed their arc. Some are dormant for reasons that will resolve later. Trying to maintain everything produces a motion that’s performative — you end up sending notes for the sake of sending notes, and the recipients feel it.
The relationships that compound are the ones where cadence and intentional investment meet. Consistency over intensity. Value over volume. Genuine interest over scheduled contact.
Over a decade, that approach produces a network the rest of your career rests on. Without it, you spend middle career rebuilding what you thought you had built in early career.
Show up regularly. Small notes. Valuable context. Enough years to compound.
That’s the whole practice.